Sunday, September 20, 2026

Ngā Panonitanga - The Changes Part II….

Robb on Maropea river. Photo by Pete.








My last post encompassed the first three days of a seven-day sojourn to the Ruahine. A quite different sort of trip as the emerging issues with my hips caused a re-think to my approach and coinciding with a period in my own life where I needed to be in the Ruahine. Thus, the decision was made to fly in, and out, by helicopter, leaving us free to do far less encumbered day walks and enjoy the ambiance of the mountains without worrying about my hips. I carried on in great pain and discomfort carrying heavy packs towards far off destinations in the Ruahine for two years prior to my first hip replacement. It made for very unpleasant travel and a steep price to pay for being in the Ruahine. I paid it. In full.

The great realization that revealed itself to me during those seven days was that it was an exceptionally wise choice to make. I had not considered how much my then dimmed sense of Wairua, Spirit, could have been a real problem had long days of travel with a specific destination to attain would be a real problem. My hip was one thing, my spirit very much another. A blogging friend very in tune with these things once wrote to me, “that being in any wilderness for extended periods requires of us to have all our ducks in a row.” I have never forgotten that. And I realized very quickly on this trip that my ducks were certainly not in a row. Or, perhaps in a row enough for me to recognize that beforehand in a subliminal way and decide to chopper in for what I thought were other reasons.

Pete has put a post on his wonderful place, “pohanginapete” addressing our trip and I think offers a very in tune, yet different, perspective of those seven days. His photographs of the Whio we encountered alone are worth a visit. The link is here: https://pohanginapete.blogspot.com/2026/08/watching-and-learning-in-land-of-whio.html

Ngā Panonitanga - The Changes Part II….

12-8-26

7:00am

Hut porch – Maropea Forks

Our fourth day here in the Ruahine at Maropea Forks comes alive as the greyish veil of dawn lifts over the valley. A miromiro flits about already busy with his rounds and seeming to admonish me to get busy. I respect his message and tone but intend to first enjoy my coffee and a few moments on the porch.

The sun shines in patches as it works its way above the mountains high above, but it remains very cold and I am dressed accordingly.

Heeding the message of the miromiro our plan is to wander upriver towards Top Maropea. A good test for my hip after a climb and descent yesterday, which sitting here now feels okay. Though that quiet persistent voice whispers in my ear the truth of it all.

 Late Afternoon…

The post lunch afternoon wee nap has quickly become an accepted and useful part of my daily routine. Lulled to sleep with the window open and the river rolling by and letting myself drift into the warmth of my down sleeping bag for a fitful rest. Now reviving myself with a rich cup of afternoon sweet tea on the porch.

We did walk upriver on the southern branch of the Maropea intending to get at least above the waterfall. However, shortly after leaving the forks and heading up the southern branch we encountered the pair of whio who followed us beyond the turnoff to Wakeling’s and the large slip falling into the river. There they seemed to agree to settle into a long feeding session and were not at all concerned about our presence. Pete had brought along his professional mode camera gear and tripod and set up to photograph and film them.

 Including our last experience late last year on the Makaroro river on another hut day walk on the river, I have never had as much time just observing the whio and their patterns and behaviour. This pair in unison would feed at an obvious hot spot by diving down and lifting their feathery bottoms in the air while munching away on their fill of the aquatic invertebrates they relish.

I had crept to the river’s edge on the opposite side where Pete was observing and when they had their fill they just ambled along the river in their graceful dance with the water and passed within a metre or so of me. It was delightful!

We decided to let the whio have the southern branch of the river and not disturb them anymore and instead walk on the western branch of the river flowing out of the forks towards Otukota hut.

This is the branch of the river Taylor had spent on his lost night in the Ruahine fifteen years ago and so one that always invokes a slightly haunting feeling that lingers and flows with the river itself. One I can never quite catch up with. As if trying to grab a wisp of smoke from the wood stove. In a way it adds to the allure as it is a lovely stretch of river with elegant bends and deep green pools of clear chilly water then released into fast flowing riffles and runs. It is a place to linger and enjoy despite the ghosts that lurk for me there.

An hour or so up that branch I saw Pete suddenly assume a very stealth posture and motion me to take a wide berth as I approached the upcoming bend. There was a small channel with a pool of clear water against a cliff face away from the main river.

There Pete had spotted another pair of whio resting at the base of the cliff rising from the river. They blended in so well against the greywacke rock that had someone with less whio awareness than Pete been wandering down river the whio would have remained unseen.

Once again Pete dug out his gear and observed the pair from a direct straight on angle while I crept around to the pools edge where the two whio each sat on a ledge above the river. Both with their bills tucked into the wing feathers for warmth.

The male appeared more aware and focused on the presence of Pete in front of them. Every now and then he would look up and give Pete the once over, sing out, check on his mate, and then tuck his bill back into his feathers. The female would then glance up, check to see her partner was calm and then resume her position. They did this in such unison and comfort, so much a part of the environment I found the movements they made ballet like. It was quite moving for me to watch. Such a moment of peace and harmony on a river that had once invoked such angst within me. I thought of Tara and how I wished I could share what I was feeling with her then. To be the whio.

The pair of whio above Maropea Forks. The male peering towards Pete. Photo by Pete.





Whio feeding on Maropea. Photo by Pete


13 August

Morning

The pair of whio sing in the river just outside the hut. Their calls, joining the sound of the river, and patter of rain on the tin roof. It has been raining most of the night and resumed as the whio arrived in the grey dawn. A hut day may lie in store though the day’s potential has yet to reveal itself as to how and what will unfold.

I take in the sounds and sights before me and deep breath of the crisp, slightly musky mountain air. I exhale and remind myself, again, of what I can control and what I cannot.

Thoughts of the many visits and times I have spent here come to mind. There are no questions the sands in the hourglass of my presence are flowing near the conclusion . I can, of course, like this trip, helicopter in. Which brings issues of its own as well. Financial, and more deeply my own comfort with the practical and personal values attached. The danger of becoming one of “those” people.

It all fits well. The changes and reflections upon my own life outside of here and how that directly ties to what I feel here. The wholeness of self. It writes quite easily on the page from my pen, but I swallow a bit writing it as to do so truthfully means some challenging work ahead. Getting those ducks all in a row.

Afternoon:

In the late morning, the rain finally stopped, and we decided to once again walk up to the waterfall. And almost immediately encountered the whio once again. They allowed us to get even closer today and eventually we bypassed them and left them to it as we went upriver to the waterfall.

The waterfall has been altered forever when in the series of cyclones earlier this decade, the whole cliff face it ran off collapsed leaving exposed bedrock with a ten metre plus high pile of rubble that obliterated the idyllic pool beneath it. The same pool where John Nash caught up to Jeff Kjos and I, and where the presence of these huge friends in my life met for the first time. I just observed them together. The same  pool I have swam in with both my sons, the same pool that mark the final 30 minutes to Maropea Forks and the relief stepping onto the porch comes into fruition. Gone.

Yet even here the river works to free itself and the waterfall starts to take on a new lustre and quality. Beautiful in a more unique way than before. Healing and emerging from such trauma in a new form. The lessons and significance to my own self apparent. I will never see what this wonderful waterfall will look like in another thirty years. All just a mere blink of an eye for the Ruahine.

That does not invoke sadness for me, this place has gifted me far too much. Courage when I felt fear, filled my heart when I was full of doubt. I have listened to the laughter of friends, felt tears I have shed upon my cheeks, this has been truly the one place of balance in my life. A much needed one. And it will always be with me.

I was very surprised to peruse the hut book and find it has been nearly two years since I have sat on this porch. It feels as if it has only been a few deep breaths or beat of my heart. I close my eyes wherever I am and feel part of this place. It lives within me.

Female whio after feeding. Photo by Pete.


 

The waterfall August 2026

 


The Waterfall July 2005


Jeff Kjos and John Nash meeting for the first time. 1 January 2010

13 August - Evening

The charms of this hut really come to fruition in the evening. When the wood stove door is open and emitting the cherry red glow from within. A quiet piece of wood fed upon the embers now and again to feed the warmth. The soft light of the candles adding an ambiance and accentuating the shadows of our presence here. 

Pete sits at the table by the door writing his own thoughts, as I sit on my bunk contemplating mine. A full Ruahine day to ponder and reflect upon. Which, of course, finds my thoughts drifting to other matters that swirl about me. Particularly my mokopuna, Noah, and the overwhelming love we feel for him mixed with the helplessness and anger at the Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy that he is inflected with. Sitting here now I feel the need to share this place with him. Not with words but with his own physical presence. Meaning a helicopter in and out. With my two sons. More ducks to have in a row outside of here. I can allow myself, this evening, the grace of both feeling the pain of it all and the contentment of addressing so much in my life these past months. I feel like the waterfall. Still flowing, still trying to find a new path and reveal new beauty. 

I stare out at the fire and wrestle with these thoughts. I can't get too far ahead of myself. Instead I see the camp oven full of Hopple Popple and hear it upon the wood stove simmering gently. Dinner is ready.

Evening in the hut. Camp oven with hopple popple simmering  away.

 

Pete on overlook on way up to Puketaramea


Pete setting up tripod  below slip on river

14 August 7:10 am

Our final full day of this week slowly emerges out of the mist. An occasional patch of blue sky appears above as the clouds roll over. The brisk cold remains.

What do I seek to find in this final day here at Maropea Forks? Perhaps I write that question more for what I seek inside my own heart than what I gaze upon from this porch. To live each moment with integrity, honesty and the truth of my presence here. To be here fully and focused on all around me as if it were the last time I gaze upon any of it ever again.

The reality, of course, is that it is much harder for me to do than write. Already thoughts of outside drift in slowly. Some of those thoughts make me smile. Some do not.

Afternoon:

The smoke once again wisps up from the chimney absorbed by the misty rain in an evanescing dance.

It wasn’t until well after we had walked up river a few hours and just as we returned the the clouds bunched up and the rain came.

We stopped just before the start of the tight gorge that leads onto Otukota. It is where Taylor finally realized he had made a mistake and turned around. Only to be caught out by the darkness. And thus began both our lonely nights in the Ruahine.

I felt no need to enter it and even felt a slight coldness and chill run through me. I had come far enough. On a summers day with the sun shining it would be a fun adventure, in the winter cold, as Taylor had found out, it has a more menacing allure. An allure I felt little inclination to explore on this day.

Pete and I had discussed earlier in the morning climbing up to Point 1450. I tried to be keen and work some excitement, but reflecting on my own feeling that twinge in my hips and thinking of the climb back down, I had to admit to myself, and Pete, it was a bridge too far for me this day. The honesty of that decision felt like I had lived up to my own stated goal on this day. A very small victory.

  






Pool below Maropea Forks. In summer a lovely swimming hole.



My thoughts drift with the river and mist

The clarity of her pools

The mysterious rich depth of the green tinged waters

Lies beyond my grasp

Pondering questions I have left too long

In another place

Where the waters run slow and murky

Only because I have made them so

As the late afternoon begins the fade to night

It truly may be a moment of lasts

The river rolls past on the way to the sea

Raindrops and my tears

Fall as one

 




Saturday 15 August
7:00am

The days dawns grey and misty rain falls steadily. The river has come up over night and no longer runs gin clear but rather murky and with more intent than the peaceful flow we have enjoyed this week.

We have just returned from a stroll down the the river's bend where the whio meander on the bank out of the muddied flow. It was to be our farewell most likely but I think we may see them again.

I have severe doubts that Leon or Owen will be able to fly in to collect us as per our arranged time at noon. The weather will prevent it.

Normally an extra day here would not bother or impact my feelings at all, and indeed, I would welcome such a development. We have plenty of food, firewood, and a safe dry place to shelter. Yet I feel pangs of anxiety roll through me dominated by thoughts of my own whare. Which runs contrary to what I normally try to practice here in the Ruahine. Staying in the moment, controlling only what I can.

These last few months have been a time of very personal reflections and actioning of this pursuit of integrity, truth, and all areas of my life. The anxiety I feel comes from wanting to return to see what I will find upon my return. Yet the brutal truth of it is that the only real measure of that is within myself already. I can only "fix" myself. All else flows from there. Much like the headwaters of a mountain river being born high up in the Ruahine, meandering and seeking the way to the river and sea beyond. I too flow on.

Epilogue: As our scheduled pick up time neared we busied ourselves on the porch talking of what to have for dinner that evening and accepting the fact of an extra night at Maropea Forks. Our gear was packed, the hut cleaned, and wood piles stacked. Yet uncertainty remained.

And then suddenly we hear the unmistakable thump of a helicopter flying up the river and then landing outside the hut. Owen, the pilot, seemed unperturbed by any of the rain and cloud and we were soon loaded up and off. We flew directly up the river and fairly tight and low, then Owen lifted up over the final hills and were back on the Rangitikei plains. In less than half and hour back at the base and our car. Quite a morning.

I have returned home to our whare from Ruahine wanders countless times over the past 30 years. Yet none compare to the feeling of warmth, gladness, and contentment to walk through the door as on this return. Tara's sparkling blue eyes said it all.

"Mā te kimi ka kite, mā te kite ka mōhio, mā te mōhio ka mārama."

“Through seeking comes discovery, through discovery comes knowledge, through knowledge comes enlightenment.”




Pete and Robb. Evening in Maropea Forks hut.