Reflections

“Worry is a way to pretend that you have knowledge or control over what you don't--and it surprises me, even in myself, how much we prefer ugly scenarios to the pure unknown.” 

― Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

Lockdown Day 11: 

In the midst of lockdown boredom today I went and “inventoried” our wood supply. We are only 3 weeks or so away from Spring. It occurred to me last evening that we haven’t even needed to light the fire to warm the whare in over a week. Except to dry some clothes. At one stage in the past month we were putting the fire on every night. I tend to get a bit worried and a hoarding tendency with regards to our wood supply and was thinking we might need to get to some in, however I realized today that we actually have plenty. I divide our wood up by age, dryness and type. And was pleased to find all the stuff I collected this past year from our own trees, and hauled over from a neighbor who cut down a few big trees in his yard and graciously offered some to me if I hauled it away hasn’t even been touched. 

We put new insulation underfloor and in the roof a couple years back and it seems to have really settled in this year as it seems we only need to get the fire going, turn it down, and then feed a piece in every now and again. 

All exceedingly boring stuff  I acknowledge but it’s lockdown. I’m itching to get out and I’m tired of walking on cement and foot paths. I dream of the Ruahine , or even the Te Arapiki Steps. Both off limits. Looking forward to focusing soon on training up for a Ruahine ramble. 

My boys have created a gym outside in the garage complete with a home made bench press and boxing bag routine. They go at it hard. Tara is doing it too. 

And I’m cracking another Mac’s Golden Lager. One arm curls. 

17 December 2020

Triangle hut porch

5:45 pm

The final evening of our Ruahine wander has arrived. An evening that always seems to arrive in the blink of an eye and wishing we had planned another day or two. I just breathe deep and let the gifts we have been given sit upon my soul. Adding to the memories and lustre of the rich history I have accrued here. 

For the first time in nearly six days I look up at the tops of the Whanahuia and see grey cloud gathering. And it smells slightly of rain. A possible interesting dimension to be added to our trip out. 

As we are walking out all the way to the car tomorrow I will again leave quite early in the morning. I feel quite good with the rest day and I should be much more match fit with a much lighter pack. And I know the route very well and have done it in both fine and deplorable weather. The last time I climbed up there a few years ago on my own it was deplorable weather. I recall hunkering in the tussock out of the gales and thinking of both John and Pete. I was a bit out of sorts to be true. But thoughts of prior experiences and good mates over ruled my building anxiety and worries. I carried on. 

Pete and I had a fine session down by the river. The last of our whiskey proved to be a generous few wee drams and the glow it provided enhanced by the song of the river, the place, and especially the company. We toasted our absent mate John Nash and told a few stories of his company. I met Pete 20 years ago at Iron Gate hut which is the next hut down the Oroua river on a trip I did with my brother in law Steve from Wisconsin. From that meeting has come a valued friendship and more so one meaningful to my relationship with these mountains as Pete, John and I have done a number of Ruahine trips over the last 15 years or so. Pete has a doctorate in Entomology and is also an amazing botanist, photographer, writer and observer and teacher. I have been fortunate to forge relationships with people like Pete and John Nash. Not bad for a transplanted Yank. 

On the other hand part of me is also looking forward to pulling into the driveway of my whare and seeing Tara. And my sons. Tara would accuse me of being nostalgic writing that, and possibly I am. Maybe it is the whiskey but I think I am also getting better at dealing with the anxiety our, at times, chaotic household can produce. And spending a week out here does a lot to balance my Te Whare Tapa Wha...Hinengaro, Tinana, Wairua, and Whanau, Mental well being, physical well being, spiritual well being, and family well being. I am ready to pick up the burdens I always leave at the Ruahine boundary. Lighter and fitter. 

It is now quietly drizzling. The first rain we have seen. The sun has passed and the air gathers a chill. Dinner and a small ceremonial fire await. Kia Ora Ruahine!